We all know that life is a continual stream of ups and downs, with plateaus in between. Sometimes it feels like the plateaus are long and we get restless, but maybe they’re the bits we should make the most of? When everything is just… still. Except, if I was in a plateau, I’d probably be complaining how dull it was! One day I’ll get to the point that things feel just right, I’m sure!
That upward slope to a high is amazing, and then obviously the peak at the top, when you feel invincible. I’ve always struggled with living in the moment, and I’m always too aware that there’s double the drop for the low that will come at some point afterwards. Maybe I’ve just had too many ups and downs, since I was thirty four my life has been part soap opera at times.
You know the feeling when you’re sat in a rollercoaster car, pushed back in the seat because its climbing at such a steep angle? You can feel the clunking of the track underneath you, your breath coming faster because you know you’re about to be flung around on an adrenaline fuelled journey? That brief moment of panic when you double check the safety bar?! I feel like I’ve been in that car, climbing steeply, since January. Some amazing things have happened while I’ve been rising up that slope and I literally feel like all the creativity, the new experiences, the new people, have all mingled together to rewire parts of my mind. I find myself thinking differently about so many things. Usually at two in the morning when I can’t sleep!
This Thursday (1st July 2021), when my first book is released, that’s the point that this metaphorical rollercoaster is going to throw me over the edge, and I am so nervous! Is this the point I find out I was delusional, and nobody likes it? I’ve got the sequel almost ready to go and am working on other projects too, was I too eager when I haven’t seen how my debut is received?
I guess, what I’m really scared of is that I spent the last six months climbing, just to dip down into a deep low. Because I am definitely not heading for a plateau, that much I know. Yet as scary as this is, I wouldn’t change it. I don’t know what twists, turns, and loops this rollercoaster has for me, but I plan to embrace them all. And when the lows of a terrible review happen, or when I feel like I can’t write anymore, I’ll just picture myself climbing up that track again, to the highest point. For that moment when the car stops and if you look around, you can see the world laid out before you. Maybe I need to get there and look around, so I can figure out where I am supposed to be.
On a side note, fortunately, I love rollercoasters! My favourite is Expedition Everest in Florida! Love that ride so bloody much, queued up three days in a row as couldn’t walk past it without another go. And yes… I’m a screamer!
I’ll update you next weekend on the release and how much of a wreck I am!
Lots of Love,